minne

Movies etal

2005-10-19T22:36:00.000-04:00

Just found out today that there's going to be a film version of the musical, Rent and that it's coming out this November! hehe.

Okay, so I fell asleep when my sister and I watched the musical in January of 2004, but please! I was still adjusting to the time difference then. But I was awake when they sang "Seasons of Love." Perhaps it's the aspect of the musical/movie that I am quite excited about. I like the song, especially when an entire chorus sings it. (I heard a Donny Osmond version of the song) I guess I'm more excited about the music than the story itself. They're the same sentiments that I have with Phantom of the Opera-- I like its music, the choreography of Maquerade (which is different from the musical) than the actual story.

The movie theater here in Stamford, however, appears to be quite delayed. At the end of August this year, the theater was still showing "War of the Worlds." Perhaps I should go to New York to watch recent movies, but I'm too lazy to ride the train going there. When you're here in Connecticut, New York seems so much faraway.

Hmmm...Kelan ba lalabas ang Harry Potter sa Pilipinas? ^_^ Dito kasi, November 18 pa. Mukhang mauuna kayo.

Poppy Seed Art

2005-08-12T07:30:00.000-04:00

Made by Beth, my nine year old cousin, when the family ate out in Le Souffle. She used the poppy seeds that fell from the bread. Naglalaro kami. (ahehe). Halata bang walang magawa? I call this her Poppy Seed Art. I miss her already.

What I do miss...

2005-08-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

UAAP Weekend

2005-07-11T08:59:00.000-04:00

I spent practically the entire weekend in Araneta.

It's probably the last time that I'd be able watch the opening of UAAP, or any Ateneo- La Salle game, that is, if I won't be able to come home next year. Let's face it, I need to have a more permanent job. So, I'm having my last few moments of fun before leaving.

I watched the entire opening ceremony last Saturday but stayed until after the half time of the UP vs UST game. I like the cheering squads of both universities, though I'm more biased for the UP squad. (hehe) I just find most of them stronger and their concept more creative. Not that UST isn't good. UST also has a group of strong performers. ^_^ I just feel that UP is the trend-setter: getting movement from different sports, and not just wearing the "usual" cheerleader uniforms and using those pompoms. They're just different, not to mention having a strong technique. Both schools, however, have catchy cheers. (As in the best)

We got patron seats for the Ateneo- La Salle game, BUT we were on the Ateneo side. Beth (my cousin) and I couldn't shout that much during the game, but it saved our throats from hurting. We were wearing La Sallian bandannas which we bought for Php70.00 each. It's a wee bit too much, but we preferred them over the other cardboard hats that they give away before the game. Magagamit naman ulit iyong bandanna e. Buti na lang medyo mabait yung katabi namin na Atenean. Oh, cute din pala yung umiilaw yung mga cellphones, nung time na pinapalabas yung para sa New Focus. Oh well.

I don't expect to watch the opening next year, or the Ateneo- La Salle games. As Beth's father told me last night, "At least nakapanood ka pa ng Ateneo- La Salle game bago ka umalis." And he left me with an assurance, "Text na lang kita para sa mga updates."

And to think that last year, I was there for the championship game...Tsk. I'm contemplating on the idea of buying a DLSU jacket, hehe.

I know that I've done this plenty of times already: leaving, then coming back, then leaving. And yet it saddens me every time I think about the day of my departure.

2005-06-22T18:18:00.000-04:00

After several months of not updating this blog, I've decided to finally pursue writing again. I've stopped writing because I wanted to look for my voic., I want to be honest to my work, in every sense of the term. The danger of writing is that we'd always be exposing ourselves in our work. It took me this long to come to terms with myself. So I hope to update this more often now.

I'll be leaving again in little over a month. It's been that long already? I don't think I'd ever be ready for that day, the day in August when I'll be leaving for a really long time. No, I don't want to say "leaving for good" because I still want to come back.A part of me is itching to go and look for work already, excited to know what's in store for me in the US. And yet it saddens me to know that I'd be leaving my grandfather and Alan. (Yet when I'm here, I'm leaving my mother behind in the US too).

I feel that my time here was not wasted. In my stay, I had my work experience and I spent a lot of time with my family, Alan and my friends. I still have a lot to do though and a lot of responsibilities. Some of them are cleaning the house, fixing my things and packing them up. It's a tedious task. I've done a little of them for these past few days, and I'm worried about not finishing them in time for August. It's quite funny going over the things that I haven't seen nor touched for a long time. And as I was going over my things I realized that buying too many books and collecting items is both a blessing and a curse. I love my books but I have no idea how to bring them to the States. What if I decide to come home later on? I guess it's the reason why I need to control myself from buying books here. What happens to the things I'll be leaving behind?

Somehow, fixing my things already confirms the long denied: I'll be leaving in August, off to look for work in the States. During my last visit to the States, I'd like to think that it's a glimpse of my life abroad. It's not so bad really. I love the art scene there, but I love the people here more.

Nabuhayan ng Loob

2005-05-29T01:54:00.000-04:00

Yup, and I have my grandfather's surprise birthday party to thank for that.

Last Friday, we celebrated my grandfather's 80th birthday. It's about four days early, but this was a surprise party given to him by the people he works with. The party was a lot of fun, very simple and not overdone, and they say it is a labor of love. I enjoyed it myself, and I was happy for my grandfather, seeing how much he means to a lot of people. I'm happy he enjoyed himself.

But what I am also equally excited about, is that I'm going to dance again!!! Thank God that the artistic director of a ballet company from the Philippines was there. He knows my mother, and he came over to talk to my aunt. Then my aunt mentioned to him that I want to take classes! And he said, "Of course, you're more than welcome to join us. You know that Sonia is more than welcome to come." (Well, I guess he meant to say that since my mother was once an artistic director of that company, they owe it to her to allow me to take classes...) So there, starting Monday, I'll be attending dance classes, hopefully on a more regular basis. Alan's bringing me to dance class from work, instead of bringing me straight home as usual. I have him to thank for this as well. And I also hope to straighten out my work schedule so that I can dance regularly. :)

Updates

2005-03-31T20:54:00.000-05:00

Bago magtapos ang buwan, naisipan ko nang magsulat ng entry ko. Ihahabol ko na bago magtapos ang March. Hindi ko maayos yung time and date nitong blog ko e, dun nag-umpisa kaya bigla akong tumigil sa pagsusulat. Huminto lang ako ng isang araw, pero parang marami akong gustong ilagay na hindi na nalagay. Nalagpasan na kasi ng momentum para magsulat. Oh well.

Lumagpas na sa isang buwan ang stay ko rito. May ginawa akong listahan ng mga bagay na gusto ko sanang gawin. Iilan palang doon ang nagagawa ko? hehe. Natuwa naman ako, nakita ko na ang mga kaibigan ko (Tabby, Nikka, Carla, Mig at Eda- uy, kita-kita ulit tayo!) at nakakasama ko si Alan at ang pamilya ko.

Pero di ko maiwasang isipin na lahat ng ginagawa ko, para lang preparasyon para sa pag-alis ko ulit. Ang dami kong gustong gawin, hindi ko naayos ang schedule ko. Patong-patong na tuloy ang mga ito. Sana nga may magawa ako. Kaya ayan, marami lang akong iniisip kaya hindi ko naisusulat sa blog.

Hmmm...At recently, touched ako sa lolo ko. ^_^ Saka na lang yung details.

Oh Well

2005-03-18T18:00:00.000-05:00

Kahapon na lang ako nakapag ballet ulit. Medyo malungkot na ako dahil akala ko di na ako makakasayaw pagdating ko rito. Nalaman ko na lang last week na walang ballet ngayong summer sa pinupuntahan ko. Maghahanap na naman ako. Haaay. Pero buti na lang naabutan ko sila kahapon. ^_^

Mabagal lang ang klase, hindi tulad ng normal na klase na napupuntahan ko noon. Iba ang style kahapon. Hindi ibig sabihin na kung mabagal lang ang klase ay madali ito. Masmahirap nga ang mabagal e, masnahuhuli ang maling ginagawa. Umupo muna ako dahil nahilo ako, dala ng kakulangan sa tulog (jet lag daw). Di na rin kasi ako sanay. Ayan, nawala na naman ang pinagtrabahuan ko sa States. Kahapon, inisip ko na naman ang inaksaya kong panahon dahil hindi ako nakasayaw nang halos tatlong linggo. Yung teacher pa namin, sinabi pang, "Ang ballet dancer dapat araw araw nagkla-klase." Hmph...I know, pero di ko ito ginagawa.

*****
Medyo na-disappoint ako dahil several weeks ago, nagpa-massage ako. Sumakit ang right ankle ko. Di ko alam kung dahil sa pagmassage sa akin iyon. Tama ba namang naka-pointe ang paa ko habang ako ay mina-massage? Haaay... My right ankle is my stronger ankle, but not anymore. Sumasakit ito tuwing naka-pointe ang paa ko. Kakainis talaga! Ngayong umaga, wala na ang sakit sa ankle ko, pero parang nalipat sa little toe. Labo.

Reflections on Dance Class

2005-02-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's ballet class was a lot better than the one today. I was able to do my double pirouette (to the right). My left side has always been my weaker side which is why I was able to make my turns but not as good as the pirouette to the right. And I know that compared to professional dancers, a double pirouette is quite pathetic, or if not, normal. It's just that it's been a while since I was able to make a double pirouette. What made that turn particularly important for me was that I willed myself to do it, focused on my "spot" and just made my turn. I did it.

I also took note of some of the important things happening to my body. Whenever I would make a successful turn, I wouldn't be able to feel anything else, except my head doing a quick, "turn turn" or "spot spot." I have no idea about what lower body looks like, except that I have this more secured feeling down my back and my arms held in place. That part I know because I can feel the tension in my upper arms. I also know that I have snatched my foot just right in my releves to pirouette position. That is, working leg brushes the standing leg. (we were always told to leave the room with our tights dirty because our feet or dirty ballet shoes will touch them eventually).

I've come to realize that my turns are less successful when I look at the mirror and watch myself, wondering how I look. I guess that it's really important to notice the changes in the body. This isn't always determined by what you see, but with what you actually feel. Of course every now and then, I correct myself by looking at the mirror. It's easy to see when I have misplaced alignments. The correction will happen only as one feels the change in the body first. I wish I could have that kind of focus or familiarity with my own body. Even during the barre exercises, I realized that I could do my balances on one leg better if I'm not looking at the person in front of me. I either look at my hand (if it's in first arabesque) or at a certain portion of the wall or ceiling. Watching the other person wobble tends to "influence" me to do the same.

Perry said something interesting in class yesterday: "There are three ways to do your movement. The first is that you were trained to do so, that's why you're able to do it. The second is that you're untrained to do something, and you're not able to do it. The third is that you don't know how to do something but you work on it." Later on he mentioned, "Sometimes, you have to intend yourself to do the step." After that, everyone was doing well. Our adagios were not as wobbly as the first time we did it. Everyone was doing their best. Perry commented, "Now if you work as you did just now every time you come to class, then you can see bits of improvement." True enough.

Today however is a different story. I wasn't able to do my turns at all. Partly because I wasn't focused, and I knew that I was being very lax about it. I wasn't warmed up well enough to do the dance. Class wasn't too terrible for I felt for the first time, after all these years of not dancing, that I can bend forward and backwards without much pain. I felt that I was going lower than my usual forward bend. I was actually able to touch the floor without feeling any pain behind my knees. I knew then that I was slowly getting back in shape.

One of the things that I want to feel again, is my relation to the floor. I want to feel my feet pressing down on the floor as I do my demi-plies. I really want to press down on my heels before I do my grand plies. I want my tendus to really caress the floor, all of my toes spread out on the floor as it slowly stretches to its full pointe. I want to be able to feel my feet glide through the floor in my glissades, and really bend my legs when I do my fondus. If I improve my plies in the barre, then I know that I can do my turns and allegro better. As of now, I feel myself "floating."As if I'm not "in touch" with the floor, as though I were afraid of it. Contrary to that, I think one must be able to find one's self in the space into which they are dancing, because dance, being very grounded will always be in relation to the floor, the stage or the space where it is performed. Right now, all I feel is that my knees are just relaxing. I'm not doing a plies or pressing my heels on the floor. And one needs to push off from the floor to turn better and to jump higher. Funny isn't it? In order to look light and "lifted" from the ground, one must actually be in relation to the ground, or very much grounded.

Right now, I'm not too worried about high extensions. That will come later. But what I do want to feel is the alignment of my feet. When I stand on one leg, I don't want to sink into my standing leg. My leg will go higher eventually, as soon as I can do my splits again (which I can do more comfortably with my left leg in front than with the other leg in front) and as soon as I can shoulder my legs soon by bringing it up on the barre. Someday, I will squeeze myself in between the space of the door, in the same way that I used to seven years ago. But when that does happen, I want to be sure that my working leg is aligned right in front of me, or directly on the side or at the back as they are in tendus.

There, another ballet talk. Sorry it had to be filled will lots of "I's." It occured to me that no one can really "dictate" what the body must feel. I always hear the correction that mom gives to her clients in pilates: "Make sure you lengthen the back and feel the strectch here (then points to the client the part of the body where they're supposed to feel that stretch)." This feeling of stretch is not determined by looking at the mirror and seeing that the back (or any part of the body) is straight. (the correction is a sample correction) It is determined by what the person feels. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if my "feeling of the stretch" is actually the feeling asked of me. I mean, what my teacher experiences may not be the same as mine. And what I feel may not exactly be the feeling my teacher asks of me. I do look for corrections most of the time, to constantly remind me of what I must do. These corrections are based on what my body looks like. I, however, must look into myself and determine how my body must work. That feeling is something that I have to look for myself.

Dancing again somehow allows me to rediscover myself, to be familiar with my body. But mostly the experience allows me to really look into how I feel, and how these feelings affect my actions. (I'm beginning to remember once more what it is like to go to dance class regularly to the extent that it becomes more of a habit than an authentic experience for me. I hope it doesn't ever go back to the time that it becomes too much of a habit that I would get sick at the very sight of it.)

Naalala ko lang...

2005-02-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

This happened a long time ago.But for memory's sake, I'll put it down in my blog anyway.

On discussing a Psalm for Worlit1 (World Literature 1)

Dr. Marj: Diana, what does it mean if we say, "We click our tongues to the roofs of our mouths"?
Me: (searches for the best way to answer the question) er...uhm...
(Dr. Marj turns to another student for the answer. Or someone must have said the answer out loud.)
Tabby: (to Diana) Ayun. Ganoong ganoon.

Sorry...

2005-01-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

I just placed a new tagboard for my blog. Apparently my old one (NVNCBL) isn't working. I really don't know why, but I had to do something. NVNCBL's site isn't up, so I can't fix it there.

Sayang. Nandoon pa naman ang mga posts niyo. Sorry talaga... =( Still hoping you guys would post in this new one anyway. Maganda rin ang smileys. It's not the same though...but anyway...

Sorry talaga.

Bodily Musings...again

2005-01-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday, I once again visited the Pilates studio where mom works for. I can't help but overhear my mom and her boss talk about a friend of theirs, and co-pilates instructor, who just gave birth. Both my mom and her boss were so excited for this friend of theirs. And then they called her up to congratulate her. This is her (mom's friend who just gave birth) first born child. The baby was about seven pounds, and yet it took her thirty minutes to deliver the baby.

Then I heard mom comment, "Wow! She must really have strong pelvic muscles to do that!" There were no complications in the birth process. Unlike other women who have difficulty going into labor, this friend of my mother gave birth easily. She's a dancer too, apart from the fact that she, like my mother, is also a pilates instructor.

Pilates is really a good conditioning work out for people. Most of the exercises, I realized, really makes use of the stomach muscles. Even I, as a dancer, cannot cheat on the reformer (one of the pilates equipment). I guess it's because in dance, I can use my legs and arms without necessarily using the strength that I get from my stomach muscles. That's cheating. But now, I realize how much of an advantage it is to use my center (stomach muscles) when dancing. This strength, I was able to find in pilates. And if it's anything, pilates can improve posture. The use of this center lessens the strain on the back. It's highly recommended even, for people with injuries. Training in pilates and ballet is way different. And I think it's an advantage for dancers, especially for those who wish to be professionals, to have a pilates work out. Even old people can do pilates.

Oh well. As my mother goes, "that's pilates for you."

Somewhere in the Middle

2005-01-12T15:01:00.000-05:00

Dati (nasa Pilipinas pa ako), sinabi ko kay Alan, "Wala akong masyadong magawa. Nakaka-bore." Ang suggestion niya, "Bakit di mo subukang mag-tenga ng isang kanta?" Sinabi ko, yun ang kaya niyang gawin, hindi ito para sa akin. Di ko talaga ito hilig at di ako katulad niya, na sadyang magaling ang tenga sa pakikinig sa musika. Kaya rin naman, di lang ako ganoon ka-sipag gawin ito.

Pagdating naman dito sa States, sabi ng nanay ko, "Bakit di ka tumugtog ng piano?" Oo nga naman, matagal nang hindi nagagalaw ang piano namin dito sa bahay. Maganda ang tunog nito, at madali rin tumugtog. Malambot kasi ang keys. Pero isip ko naman, di rin ako katulad niya na magaling mag-sight read. Hindi ito para sa akin.

Pero ngayon, dahil nandito lang ako sa bahay, inisip ko na sige, tutugtog na lang ako ng piano, kahit konti lang. Natuwa naman akong nakakabasa ako ng nota, hindi kasing bilis ng ibang tao, pero kaya ko pa naman. At napansin kong nakakatulong sa akin pag-alam ko na ang tono. Mas bumibilis ang pagbasa ko. Hindi talaga ako para sa pagtugtog ng instruments. haha! Makakayanan ko naman parehong mag-sight read at makinig, mabagal nga lang. O kaya sanayan lang ulit, parang sa ballet. Di nga lang ako masyadong passionate sa musika.

******
Naalala ko yung mga pianist sa mga ballet class dito. Mayroong iba sa kanila na kayang impromptu lang, on the spot, tulad ng piano teacher ko. Mayroon ding iba na kailangan ng piece para tumugtog. Magaling din. Pero na-realize ko na minsan, okay lang sa kanila na kahit na anong tugtugin, basta kuha nila ang accent at rhythm na hinihingi ng dance teacher. Kapag sumasayaw na kami, di na importante masyado ang tono. Nakikinig naman kami, para sa timing, pero siguro mas iniintindi lang namin ang technique namin.

Natuwa lang ako ngayon. Tumugtog ako ulit. Di nga lang ganoon kagandahan, pero tumugtog pa rin. ^_^

nagulat ako sa results nito a

2005-01-12T10:15:00.000-05:00

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

movies and musicals

2005-01-10T22:55:00.000-05:00

ang daming magagandang panoorin! recently, sa television, maraming musicals na pinapalabas: wizard of oz, seven brides for seven brothers at saka sound of music. all of which reminds me of my childhood. katatapos ko lang manood ng west side story at recently gusto kong manood ng mga ballet tapes ni mama. wala lang, for the fun of it. maganda ang west side story. ang galing ni leonard bernstein! ang galing ng choreography ni jerome robbins!

at marami ring movies na gusto kong panoorin, kung hindi lang sana mahal manood ng sine rito:
1. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
2. Finding Neverland
3. Spanglish
4. Phantom of the Opera- though napanood ko na yung musical na ito, marami na kasi akong balita na maganda raw ang pagkagawa nito. aling kanta kaya ang inalis nila? ang alam ko kasi sa musicals na ginawang movies, kailangan sa movie, hindi lahat ng kanta sa musical ginamit.
5. Meet the Fockers- okay lang, pero uunahin ko pa yung mga nakasulat sa itaas.

at ito naman ang choices ng mga broadway productions na okay panoorin:
1. Avenue Q
2. Wicked- based on Wizard of Oz
3. Le Cage aux Follies- basis ng "Bird Cage" at di ako sigurado sa spelling
4. Beauty and the Beast
5. Mamma Mia

yun na lang muna. ballet kasi wala masyadong magagandang performances. di ako sigurado kung meron ang ABT na performances this month. di rin ako sigurado sa ibang companies. ang alam ko kasi nutcracker by new york city ballet showing pa hanggang ngayon...wag naman yun. medyo sawa na si mama dun.

lists, lists, lists

2004-12-21T09:06:00.000-05:00

***** list no. 1- wish list
my mother has been asking my sister and i about what christmas gifts would we like to have for christmas. and per usual, i find that i had a difficult time answering this question. well here is my wish list, and is applicable both for christmas and my upcoming birthday:

10 class card to peridance- this card would allow me to take any 10 dance classes i want.
a pair of boots with a matching coat.
bibingka
plane ticket back home
digital camera (hehe)
a decent pair of wallking shoes, not necessarily sneakers
new pair of rubber shoes (di naman white)

so far that's all i can think of. and it's okay with me to not receive all of them, but i do feel that most of them are necessary. numbers 6 and 7 are essential here, since the pavement of new york is hard to walk on. and i was informed that everything here is on sale starting on the 26th, until new year. hope that everything will be cheaper by 50%. all of them, i think i can have (assuming that i have the money), except for the bibingka, which i'll have to wait for until i come home, and the digital camera because i'd rather save my money to buy one.

it took me this long to write this list. i really couldn't feel all christmas-y in spite of the snow. but that would entail a different entry.

*****list no.2- for the past year (2004)...
this list is a reflection on some of the significant things that happened to me this year. i'm not really the type of person who makes new year's resolutions. so here it goes.

i spent my new year's eve in an airplane
my uncle got married this year
i've realized how lucky i am to find someone who is willing to work things out in a long distance relationship. so far, he has exceeded my expectations from any relationship at all.
i've realized the importance of dance all over again
this is the only time i really experienced missing my family...
i've become closer to people like tabby, nikka, almira and several other blockmates
read my paper for panitikabataan
finished my thesis and graduated
i've repeated days and lost some of them because of traveling. speaking of traveling i realized how much fun and stressful it is to travel by myself. i could actually relax more when i traveled with my mother last may.
i've been encouraged by several professors to continue writing about dance.

and i hope i can add these to my list: watched a number of broadway musicals, experienced my first gamble in atlantic city. (yes. i'll be of legal age soon...in a couple of days)

christmas survey

2004-12-08T19:29:00.000-05:00

from a friendster survey. masgusto kong mag-post ng answers dito sa blog. hehe...never did like posting in the bulletin board.

> 1.gusto mo na bang magpasko? (oo o hindi)
~ oo!

> 2. pano mo nalalaman kung malapit na ang pasko?
~ sa pilipinas, kapag may mga parol na! yay! ang gaganda ng parol! unti unti nang nagbubukas ang masmarami pang stalls ng ferino's bibingka, at marami nang christmas carols na pinapatugtog. lights! of course the lights! well it's just the decorations in general.

> 3.anong masayang event kapag pasko?
~ minsan tingin tingin lang ng mga christmas lights, mga caroling, simbang gabi, a chance to skate or ski or maybe build a snowman. siguro pati na rin advent. now, i'm fascinated with the other holidays celebrated at the same time christmas is being celebrated here...

> 4. anong kanta ang bagay na bagay sa pasko mong darating?
~ nung bata ako, palagi kong naririnig ang christmas carols sung by the carpenters (di ko maalala yung title e) at na-a-associate ko ang pasko sa mga kinantang a capella ni ryan cayabyab, na siya ang gumawa ng voicing. (dun nanggaling yung "heto na naman" our winning song in our senior sa songfest) but i also like the christmas carols sung in church. kahit na ano that reminds me of my past. i like reminscing about it. but i didn't answer the question though didn't i? bagay siguro ngayon yung "miss kita kung christmas..." by ryan cayabyab. miss ko na kasi ang pilipinas. or yung "christmas song". kind of miss home...

> 5. ang favorite mong pagkain sa noche buena?
~ bibingka at putobumbong. hot chocolate in a nice mug, ensaymada. meron ding panatone, stollen cake and minced pies, all care of tita lizza. pero meron rin kaming hamon at queso de bola.

> 6. name a very famous caroling song?
~sa bahay maririnig namin, pag nagka-caroling yung mga bata, laging kinakanta yung "we wish you a merry christmas." o yung "pasko na naman o kay tulin ng araw!" (with their hand made percussion instruments) but it's never complete when the children won't sing "thank you! thank you! ang babarat/babait ninyo, thank you!" haha! pero nung lit choir kami, maraming magagandang kinakanta at may caroling talaga.

> 7. kanino mo gustong makatanggap ng regalo ngayong pasko?
~ kahit kanino. nakaka-touch nga na naisip man lang ako nang kahit sino, kahit na ba simple lang yung gift.

> 8. ano ang pinaka memorable mong natanggap na regalo?
~ i don't know...all of them are extremely valuable for me...mere gesture na binigyan ako already means a lot to me.

> 9. san mo gusto magcelebrate ng pasko at sino ang gusto mo makasama? sa ngayon?
~sa pilipinas!!! actually, okay lang naman dito sa new york, pero sana naman white christmas, hindi lang cold christmas. winter doesn't officially begin till december 21 or 23, so there. i want to be with my family, si alan, my friends, dito man o sa pilipinas...but still there's no place like home!

> 10. favorite color sa pasko
~ red and green usually di ba? but i also like blue and silver or white...a tinge of gold is also nice. pero gusto ko kasi yung style ng pilipino, na may konting sinamay pa. (i'm refering to christmas decors)

> 11. ano unang una mong nararamdaman kapag papalapit na ang pasko?
~ masaya rin, pero recently, napapa-emote ako pag iniisip ko ang pamilya ko sa pilipinas, si alan... but it reminds me of happy times. christmas provides me with very happy memories.

> 12. ano ang gusto mong gift this christmas?
~ i haven't really thought about it. but the best would be my plane ticket back home. pero marami akong abubot na nakikita sa grand central station fair na gusto ko. mga christmas decorations made of glass and a marionette.

> 13. kung kakatok sa binatana mo si santa, ano ang sasabihin mo?
~ wala naman. i have no idea.

> 14.naniwala ka ba kay santa nung bata ka pa?
~ yeah. but i had a feeling that the gifts were from my mom.

>15. kung bbgyan ka ng roundtrip ticket, para magcelebrate ng christmas sa ibang bansa, saan mo gusto?
~ sa europe: germany, italy, france, london. gusto ko rin sa bethlehem, kung wala lang sanang gulo..pero the best pa rin sa pilipinas.

> 16. anong filipino tradition ang gustong-gusto mo kapag pasko?
~ simbang gabi!!! or maybe the food after that. hehe. gusto ko kasi yung creative output ng filipinos sa mga decorations e, tulad ng parol, o kahit na belen.

> 17. kung may christmas party, ano ang gusto mong theme?
~ nutcracker. hehe. joke lang. gusto ko yung mala-pinoy yung food, may litson at bibingka at puto bumbong.

> 18. magbgay ng isang magandang gimikan kapag pasko.
~ rockefeller center. joke! any nice place for skiing or ice skating. haha! at saka star city! or watch a decent show/ballet in ccp or the lincoln center or in radio city or in any theater. sana wag nang nutcracker, utang na loob! but i'm feeling very serendipity like at the moment, so sa serendipity. (lagi nga lang puno yun) o sa bloomingdales.

> 19.anong christmas decor ang paborito mo sa xmas tree?
~ nutcracker, anything that is hand made. my aunt used to cross stitch for our tree. but i particularly enjoy the images of the twelve days of christmas from my aunt's collection, the image of anyone who is skating, pero gusto ko yung may motif talaga, kahit na christmas balls lang, basta color-coordinated. simple, but elegant. and i want an angel on top, not a star.

> 20. name your favorite xmas song/s.
~ anything!! o come all ye faithful, if sung acapella, at lahat nga nung kinanta ni ryan cayabyab na acapella sa cd niya. but please refer to my answers in question number 4.

> 21. sino ang favorite xmas character mo?
~ the nutcracker!!! hehe...si ebenezeer scrooge. biro lang. angels siguro, and all the other images that make up the nativity scene. and all the lovely interpretations from the song, twelve days of christmas.

> 22.ultimate xmas movie.
~ babes in toyland! si drew barrymore pa yun. haha! christmas ba yun? i think it is. aaa...it reminds me of my childhood. pwede bang play/musical na lang? a christmas carol. oh. and there's this disney film i used to see as a child. a couple were skating...no words. just music. ganda ganda...

> 23.gustong get up kapag pasko.
~ sa ngayon, gusto kong isuot ang snow boots ko, my fleece sweaters(-->yes, sweaters) and bubble jacket. pero gusto ko rin yung poncho! for indoors nga lang yun.

> 24.puto-bongbong o bibingka?
~ both. but more of bibingka. puto bongbong is probably the pronunciation of the word with a slang!

> 25. jackets o sweater?
~ sweater yeah!!! lalo na ngayon, mahal na mahal ko yung fleece sweater ko.

> 26.anong bagay ang hindi mo nakakalimutang gawin kapag pasko?
~ bumili ng gift wrapper? hehe. magsimba, just be with my family. i don't know...decorate the house? kumain ng bibingka?! (yes, pag-uwi ko, you know what i'll do...)

> 28. anong bagay ang pinakaayaw mong gawin pag pasko?
~ mag-cramming ng christmas shopping, though it's fun to shop in general. pero mahirap makipag-agawan sa mga tao e.

> 29. ano sa tingin mong regalo ang pinakaayaw mong matanggap sa pasko?
~wag sanang kalendaryo...anything seemingly impractical to keep.

> 30. define christmas.
~ the birthday of christ, the season where people really go out of their way to buy gifts for their loved ones, basically a time for sharing. well, people are usually nicer at this time of the year. (hehe. biro lang)

new way of thinking

2004-12-07T23:28:00.000-05:00

halos ilang linggo na ang nakakalipas. napanaginipan ko na sumasayaw ako. pero sa gitna ng sayaw, sinabi ko sa nanay ko (na doon ay teacher ko rin) na "di ko na ito kaya. hindi na po ako sanay na gawin ito." at alam ko kung saan nanggaling ang sinabi kong iyon.

hindi ko sinasabi nang malakas, pero tingin ko iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nahihirapan akong bumalik sa sayaw. nakakayanan ko naman gawin ang mga steps pag klase, pero di na ito kasing dali para sa akin tulad noon. may halo na rin akong takot bumalik sa sayaw, hindi lang siguro dahil sa bago ang lugar na pinupuntahan ko para magklase. minsan sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko "hindi na ako bagay dito." at tingin ko, di ko pa talaga na-overcome ang ilang takot ko sa pagsayaw. problema ko na ito noon pa man. palagi akong sinasabihan ng nanay ko, "just attack your work." kulang daw ako sa lakas ng loob. may takot umikot o kaya tumalon (pero sa adagio okay), para bang may pumipigil sa akin.

ngayong gabi, kinausap ko ang nanay ko. "hindi na po ako marunong umikot. out of shape na po ako." ang sagot niya, "marunong ka pa niyan. ikaw kasi e, palagi mo na lang iniisip na hindi mo kaya." gusto kong ibahin ang pag-isip ko sa sayaw. kung gusto ko man sumayaw, kailangan kong isipin ang ginagawa ko, hindi lang ang takot ko. madalas kasi iniisip ko na di ako bagay dito, na out of shape na ako, kaya may excuse ako para wag gawin ang steps nang mabuti.

isa na namang palusot: out of shape na kasi ako e. sinabi na tuloy sa akin ng kaibigan ko, "di kung hindi ka sumayaw ngayon, lagi ka na lang out of shape."

all i need is a change of perspective. attack your work, diana.

aggressive in silence

2004-12-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

isang phrase na nagustuhan ko habang binabasa ko ang possession. (pero hininto ko muna ang pagbabasa ko.)

2004-12-01T09:19:00.000-05:00

twenty five days till christmas...

wala lang! trip ko lang ilagay...:)

2004-11-20T04:50:00.001-05:00

Thinking is movement. It is also fleeting.

perfect pitch

2004-11-07T15:32:00.000-05:00

kagabi, naisipan kong makinig muna sa classical na music. hinalungkat ko ang cd collection ng nanay ko. may dalawang cd ng beatles na sumulpot, na tingin ko medyo out of place, dahil halos lahat, classical. sa ngayon, mas pinili ko munang pakinggan ang mga ginamit sa mga sayaw. naalala ko tuloy ang mga nakilala ko, sa mundo ng ballet, sa la salle, at maging sa aking pamilya, na sobrang galing ng tenga sa pakikinig sa musika. kaya nga "perfect pitch" sila, napaka-distinct ng tenga nila sa pakikinig. maliit na nuances lang sa sound, nalalaman na nila ang key, pitch at kung anong klase ng instrumento ang ginamit. gusto ko lang bigyan ng pansin ang mga taong nakilala ko na sobrang galing ng tenga makinig.

minsan, napanood ko yung the pianist. di ko makalimutan yung tinugtog waldek szpilman nung bandang huli nang magkakilala na sila ni hosenfeld (nakalimutan ko yung pangalan niya). galing na galing kasi ako sa pagtugtog niya ng piyesa ni chopin, at doon din sa pelikulang iyon, saka ko narinig ang matagal nang kinukulit sa akin ng nanay ko at ng piano teacher ko: "kargahin mo ang wrist mo sa iyong pagtugtog." di ko maintindihan kung bakit...nasusundan ko naman ang piyesa, may dynamics pa. pero nung mapanood ko yung the pianist, saka ko naintindihan, na kailangang tugtugin ang bawat nota nang mayroong "certain touch" sa piano. para bang karga mo lang ang wrist mo, at mga daliri mo lang ang pumipindot sa piano keys. pero nanggagaling ang strength ng kamay mo mula sa wrist. hindi ito kaya ng kamay ko. mabigat na talaga ito, parang kinakaladkad ko lang sa pagtugtog. hindi ko ito kayang kargahin sa isang paraan na para bang di ko lang ito pinababayaang mahulog o kaya nakabagsak ang wrist. doon ko rin na-realize, na kahit na ba halos lahat ng sinalihan kong organizations mula pa noong high school ako, ay involved sa music, hindi talaga para sa akin ang pagtugtog ng piano.

marami akong taong nakilalang magaling talagang makinig. isa na nga doon ang piano teacher ko. maaari niyong puntahan dito ang website niya. natutuwa ako pag naaalala ko siya. kakaiba kasi makinig. magaling pang magturo. galing mag-compose. isang beses, hiniling ng kapatid ko na tugtugin ng piano teacher namin ang "gone" ni jim chappell. at malokong tinanong sa kapatid ko "anong key ang gusto mo? Bb o Gb?" gusto ko rin siya magturo. talagang inaangkop niya sa kakayanan ng estudyante niya ang pagturo ng piano. kung masmagaling ang estudyante niya makinig kaysa magbasa ng notes, gagamitin niya ang talento ng taong iyon para matuto magbasa ng nota. at magaling din siyang mag-accompany ng ballet class. kaya niya kaming sundan at ang kanya kanyang timing namin, kasi naiintindihan niya ang ballet. galing pang mag-improvise ng music. on the spot, mag-iisip ng tugtog para sa klase. minsan kasi, live pianist kami. siya na ang bahalang mag-iisip ng tugtog.

paborito ko pa rin ang isang kaibigan ni mama. kung maaalala ninyo sa ccp, palaging tumutunog sa gitna ng intermission: "magkakaroon ng sampung (o certain number) minutong pagitan." at mayroong "ding... ding ding!" sabik na sabik na sinabi ng kaibigan ni mama, "wow! Bb!" [yung ding! ding ding!]

pero puntahan din natin ang mga taong wala masyadong formal training sa music. nagagalingan din ako sa mga taong hindi music majors, pero may kakayanang mag-compose. minsan pa nga, kung masyadong formally trained ang isang tao sa pagtugtog ng isang instrument, ang focus na lang niya ay ang technique niya sa pagtugtog, hindi na talaga ang music ang focus niya mismo. masmadalas, mas-original pa ang gawa ng mga taong di talaga na-train.

sabi naman, pwedeng matutunang makinig nang mabuti. pwede namang i-practice ang pakikinig, familiarize ang tono ng mga nota. pero ewan ko...iba pa rin talaga kung may talento ang isang tao. opinion ko lang naman ito, base sa mga nakita at nakilala kong musicians. pero kanya-kanyang experience talaga.

pasensya na. madalas ko kasing naiisip ang mga taong ito: piano teacher ko, ilang kaibigan na nakilala, at iba pang musicians. karamihan sa kanila ay ang mga nakasama ko noong sumasayaw pa ako.

on jobs and a job opportunity

2004-11-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

as already written previously, i went to greenwich, connecticut yesterday to the pilates studio where mom works. after 2 hours of commute, i finally arrived at the said destination an hour earlier before mom finishes her work.

since i arrived an hour earlier, i asked permission if i could have a look around. i passed by the bakeshop next to the pilates studio, and afterwards, i passed by a doll house store. the store contains doll houses that were hand made and hand painted, the ones made out of wood that we hardly see in the toy store. these houses cost thousands of dollars each, without the furniture. and the furniture costs about more than a hundred dollars a piece, the nice ones at least. some of them can cost $50. again, most of them are hand made.

the nice lady who works for that store, whose name, i later found out, is elizabeth, offered me work. after talking about the doll houses, and after knowing what my background is(course, country where i'm from, etc) she asked if i wanted to come help. the said store organizes children's parties and she said that if ever i decide to accept the job, i can help the little girls fix their dolls during the party. maybe i can also help decorate the doll houses, or at least paint them. they're having two parties next friday. still, i can't be sure that i'd be accepted. i still have to come back tomorrow and see if i can still work for the shop.

i like doing crafts. i enjoy stitching and sometimes doing crochet. i don't mind the job at all, even if it's temporary and part time. i think i may even enjoy it. in the words of alan though, "mate-test yung patience mo sa mga bata." but i think it will be a good training ground for me. at least i'll know what the children here are like, if ever i do decide to teach here. it may not be a high paying job since it will only be part time, but at least i'd be able to learn something from it. who knows where this could lead me? and at least the place is near mom's working place. we can go home together.

well, setting that job offer aside, i've realized quite a number of things yesterday. going to where mom works made me realize how hard it is for her to do her job. i complain about taking the subway just to go to the city, and here comes my mother, going through the same two hour commute for six times a week, twice a day. and as if that's not bad enough, she teaches pilates standing up for a good 7-8 hours (more often than not). and she also has to carry her clients from time to time, as the job requires it so. yet i hardly hear her complain about this. i wouldn't think my mother is turning 49 next year with this kind of stamina.

i can see that my mother is very happy in connecticut. she said it reminded her of london. the place was more laid back as compared to new york. it was quieter. mom says that the life there can also be fast paced, but then i don't think it's like running a rat race here in new york. every time i go out, i feel stressed thinking about my bag and money, always on guard in case a pick pocket is around. i worry about being mugged down, and i don't think i can go out late at night here on my own. there's a kind of stress and burden walking down the streets of new york that i did not feel in greenwich. i still have to be careful with my bag, but i feel safer because there are policemen in practically every corner, helping people to cross the streets. based on what i've witnessed, i can understand why mom likes it there so much. there is one catch though: most of the shops there aren't like the ones in new york. they are mostly little quaint shops. and they are more expensive than your average store.

well, that's it. if ever i get accepted with the job in the doll house store, i'll be going to greenwich now from time to time. and at the moment, that still remains uncertain.

wind's day

2004-11-03T09:14:00.000-05:00

i usually wake up every time my mother leaves, which is around 5 in the morning. i thought it was raining. apparently, it wasn't. it's very windy. it's wind's day today. hehe. i just felt like saying it.

i plan to go to connecticut to where mom works, and we've been planning for this for long. i hope i'd be able to go. mom's nervous about me travelling on my own, "kaya mo ba yan? baka mawala ka." i'm taking the train from new york to connecticut, and it's really my first time do this. mom asked me if i wanted someone to accompany me. well, i think i'd be able to find the place where she works even without someone accompanying me. i've been left alone to travel by plane for several times already...

well, that's it for now i guess.

another thought

2004-10-28T13:26:00.000-04:00

i saw a "ballet" on televsion called les sylphide. this dance is supposed to be performed by girls (i mean the corps de ballet is composed of girls) and there's only one male in the entire ballet. there are about three soloists for this dance, all are female.

this version is quite different. just like matthew bourne's swan lake, this dance also deviates from the usual standards given to ballet. what are the usual standards? let's say that for this particular dance (les sylphide) the dancers are supposed to be ghosts. meaning to say that their movements should be light, everything is performed to every bit of perfection.

the one that i saw today are composed mostly of males, and the role of the guy in its original version is performed by a girl with this one. the rest of the dancers (the corps de ballet) are a mixture of both men and women. most of them don't perform with perfection. in fact, the dance sometimes shows that the dancers create mistakes: they bump into each other. instead of running like the ballerina does (usually up in their toes), the performers for this dance run as though they were running on the streets. in the words of my mother, "parang tumatakbo sa palengke."

i know that studying dance technique is hard. but i think that making use of the body to convey something is also a difficult task. what does this kind of dance do? it deviates from the usual standards of ballet, thereby also making fun of it. instead of showing the perfect dancer's techinque, this ballet shows the imperfections of a dancer. it's not even imperfections, but more of dance technique not taken seriously. sickled feet, lanky arms, bent knees and strong bends from the waist (meaning to say that they are not holding on to their center quite well).

we can say that it's easier to dance this way: dance ballet without being too serious about it, letting go of the technique. but for me, i think it's diffult. i'm sure that most of the dancers here must have had their classical training. how else would they be able to understand the imperfections in dance? they wouldn't be able to have such ugly technique without understanding what the requirements are in ballet. in a sense, i would like to give credit for the choreographer of the dance, for understanding the body well enough to show such ugly lines and terrible technique in order to imply something. as of now, my interpretation for this is making fun of the perfections of the ballet. perhaps it's an implication that not everyone likes classical technique anymore. what is this postmodernism in dance? or just plain modernism?

just a thought

2004-10-28T10:27:00.000-04:00

dancing is really much easier after doing a pilates work out. pilates does make you stronger. i haven't been doing pilates recently though. and quite frankly, i do miss it.

it's alan's birthday today. wala lang. share ko lang. :)

updates...

2004-10-27T21:17:00.000-04:00

took dance class in the city yesterday morning. every time i come to class, i can't help but think about how there are much better teachers from the philippines than the ones in new york. perhaps i haven't really gone to class with a very good ballet teacher here. the ballet teachers that i admire are the ones who can explain to me what i'm doing wrong: what's wrong with my placement, why i can't sutain my turns,...just those details. even art needs a bit of science to it. it's precisely because you already know the "scientific aspect of the dance" that would lead you eventually to find ways on how you can "feel" or "emote" with the dance. in this case, i admire the teachers who know their anatomy well.

my class yesterday morning was not exactly the best class i ever had. yes, i have taken it here in new york (which, if people really think about it, is supposed to provide people with good training). i'm sorry to say that i wasn't very satisfied with the said class. this is the school where i've been taking my lessons from time to time here in new york. i'm sure that there are other schools i can attend to. and given my observations, i probably should look for another place to take classes from. dance classes are so expensive nowadays, i wouldn't want to spend too much money on something that i'm not happy with.

first of all, it's the method. the teachers are not really "correcting" the students. they do give general corrections. but none of them really looks at the potential of every student. they just show the dance steps but not really explain how to do it. my second reason, is a far more personal reason than the first. ever since i stopped dancing, i couldn't quite feel the same strength that i had before. i'm not saying that i was a perfect dancer. it's just that the feeling, the tension of the muscles, aren't there anymore. this is also my fault since i decided to stop dancing. but then when i was about twelve years old and i've stopped dancing for a year, i remember being able to attain the same stamina that i had prior to stopping for a year. (maybe i'm just not as keen nor as eager to get back in shape anymore).

i do know that learning has to come from me, but i still believe that i need people to explain to me what i ought to do. i'm just a student of dance. i may have an idea about what my technique is all about in general, but for several steps, i'm still looking for that guidance, an explanation as to how i'm supposed to attack my work. oh well. so i wake up this morning filled with aches and pains. i don't attribute most of them to dance, but to the fact that i was carrying a heavy backpack yesterday. i had to walk for about 15 blocks. and i also decided to have a look at the waldorf astoria, which is a bit off tangent from where i was supposed to go. ayan kasi. nagmatigas pa. kaya ngayon, masakit ang upper back ko. grrr.

i also decided to pass by the library yesterday. i actually wanted to go see MOMA (museum of modern art, thanks to sir baytan's suggestion) but it was being renovated and won't be opened till november 20. across the museum was one of the public libraries in new york. i've only borrowed one book, possession by a.s. byatt. i'm given three weeks to read it. there are other books i'd like to borrow. i'm still looking for the george bernard shaw writings. there. finally! there's something for me to do! there are also quite a number of lectures and classes offered by the library and museums. they are quite interesting as well.

halloween's coming in three days time. people really do take halloween here seriously. even adults want to wear costumes. and children really do go out of their way trick or treating. i really do like this season. everything looks nice, but not in manhattan though. the city doesn't have trees. it's probably more of the scenery from long island. nagagandahan lang talaga ako sa mga puno...red, green, yellow leaves. i'm still looking for the halloween pumpkin with its face carved, and not the ones with painted or pasted faces. babaw no? it keeps me wondering how much people really do spend their time on these things. i want to see real pumpkin decorations, and not the plastic ones. wala lang. it just adds to the halloween feel which i don't really celebrate. but i do enjoy seeing the way people celebrate it here.

first day out after...ages

2004-10-22T22:45:00.000-04:00

from the day that i got here (sunday), the only time that i was able to go out was yesterday (thursday). it was simply because i was not yet adjusted to the time, the weather was too cold and it was also out of sheer laziness that i refused to go out.

yesterday, the moment that i stepped on to the bus, the driver was very cheerful. he was unlike the other bus drivers i have ever met. he was making conversations with everyone else in the bus. (did you see the wrestling match last night? what about the baseball game?) apparently, everyone was very passionate of baseball games. yankees, etal. (i'm not one of them, however). he was talking to everyone. though no one responded to him at first, he still continued to talk to us. when i was about to get off the bus, i thanked him. and he said, "alright now. have a good day today and hope you enjoy it." i just gave him a smile.

let's see what happened to the good day yesterday and if i enjoyed it.

1. on the subway on the way to grand central station: two guys were complaining because the yankees lost.

2. first stop: grand central station in a small stationery shop, papyrus (a stationery shop that i liked ever since i first came to new york the year 1998). since it's almost halloween and thanksgiving, the store's filled with items of the said themes. still, it's almost prepared for christmas (christmas ornaments, cards etal). oh yes. natuwa na naman ako and i could think of a few items i want to buy...(pero siguro next time na lang).

3. in grand central station, i also passed by postman books. the dangers of passing by the bookstore. i was once again tempted to buy a new one. and here i was, telling myself next time na lang muna. there i go. i bought a new book, the making of a poem and the poems were collected by mark strand and eavan boland. it discusses different types of poems. i don't know why i bought this. i was in search of a book with essays on it about literature/literary works that are written by poets or playwrights. i ended up buying this one anyway. i was looking for the works of george bernard shaw (his criticisms). i hope to find it in the library. this is one of the things that keeps my hopes up. i want to make use of their wonderful resources :)

4. my mother and i finally met at 3:00 pm. we had to go all the way to canal street to go fix some stuff. i saw brooklyn bridge. it was, according to my mother, the most "beautiful" (sorry, i couldn't think of a better term to use) bridge in new york. it did look great, and there was a pedestrian walkway. it would be nice to have a walk there when the season's not too cold.

5. among some of the interesting people that i saw were a group of asians (chinese and japanese i think) seated on the sidewalk, in a sort of meditative fix. quite interesting. the crowd's different in 42nd street, which is unfortunately, rush hour. a group of musicians were playing their instruments. people were rushing by. this now feels like new york.

6. my mother and i spent the entire afternoon "bonding." :) she was very encouraging when i bought the book, telling me it's okay to spend money on books. one thing that i've appreciated with my mother is that she has been supportive of me, especially when it comes to the arts. she is, afterall, an artist herself and an avid reader as well (very passionate with books).

7. i couldn't help but notice how nice the trees are during autumn, where the leaves turn red, gold and green. i never truly liked halloweens, i haven't really celebrated it at all. but still, i can't help but find the halloween decorations near our home quite nice and very, how should i say this? apt. i don't know how to describe it, but it feels like halloween. hehe. i kind of like autumn here in new york. i don't know why. it's just that, apart from all the noisy people in manhattan, there is still a sense of tranquility if you look at this part of new york: trees, homes. mom commented on how different things are in connecticut. there are more trees and it's not a busy city as new york. she told me that if i wanted to, i could come see her at her work in connecticut (yup. workaholic. commutes all the way to connecticut for her job). we could just have a walk around the area.

ha! i'm looking at things now in a more positive note. perhaps all i needed was to go out. (katamaran nga naman!) anyway, i'm looking forward to the trip to canada towards the end of the month. things are quite okay here (i'm beginning to like the cold weather, even if it does make my skin dry and my fingers feel as if they're coming off). still, i want to spend christmas home. i like the decorations better in the philippines. nakakamiss din.

so there. i'm off looking for part time jobs or at least some classes i can attend to (yung tipong one day lang), planning to attend a dance class and passing by the library. hehe. sana magawa ko nga assuming that i won't be too lazy.

sa pagiging mag-isa

2004-10-20T23:23:00.000-04:00

wala na akong ibang ginawa kung hindi matulog. every chance i get, natutulog ako. di ko alam kung adjustment ko lang to, o kaya naman sobrang pagod. mula nung nabigay ko na yung thesis ko sa unang mga araw ng september, hanggang sa pag-alis ko nung october 17, wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi mag-alala sa pag-alis ko. ayan tuloy. life just passed me by without even knowing it. paminsan-minsan, iniisip ko ang gagawin ko. gusto kong mag-aral ulit, o kaya naman magturo o kaya sumayaw. pero lahat ng ito ay mga plano lang. sabi nga sa philorl (di ko na maalala kung sinong philosopher nga ba yung nagsabi) "life is what's happening to us as we're busy making plans." lahat ng plano ko, nasa isip ko lang. wala pa namang specific. eto. puro tulog, puro internet, puro kain (pati sa pagkain ko, di ko na masyadong nae-enjoy. kumakain na lang ako dahil kailangan, at hindi dahil sa gusto ko.)

marami nang oras ngayon na mag-isa ako. buti pa sila, ang pamilya ko, may ginagawa. ako, nandito lang sa bahay. marami rin akong bagay na napag-iisipan. ngayon, nawiwili ako sa mythology (nasa mesopotamian myths pa lang ako). naisip kong totoo nga ang sinasabi ni campbell. palagi na lang (o kaya naman madalas) na-assign sa mga babae ang role na "mother earth." sa mga lalaki naman, madalas sila yung sa sky, o sa mesopotamian naman, palaging sa water (dahil siguro sa tigris at euphrates). ang sabi ni campbell sa interview niya with bill moyers, kaya raw ganun dahil ang mga mothers, di na talaga hinahanap. nandiyan na talaga sa earth (masyadong grounded). whereas sa mga lalaki, you still have to look for them, search the heavens. (parang ganun). ang sinasabi ko lang na habang binabasa ko nga ang tungkol sa mesopotamian myths, nakikita kong totoo nga yung mga sinasabi ni campbell ukol dito. at natutuwa akong may connection ang mga ito.

sabi naman sa nabasa ko dati para sa thesis (myth ritual theory), na may corresponding ritual ang mga myths. minsan yung mga priests/kings/shamans ang mga mediator ng tao sa gods, o minsan nakikita nila ang sarili nila as god. at habang binabasa ko rin ang mesopotamian myth, naalala ko rin ito. natuwa akong binasa ko muna si campbell bago ko basahin ang mga myth na ito.

marami rin akong napag-iisipang mga bagay-bagay. saka ko na lang sila ilalagay dito. sana makadaan ako ng museum, o makahiram man lang ng libro na may painting. gusto kong maintindihan ang mga paintings na ito. gusto ko kasing maging bahagi sila ng ilang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin. these are works of art in space. gusto ko silang maintindihan. ngayong nasa myths ako, susubukan ko rin aralin ang mga corresponding paintings nila. sana di to maging unfinished project...

my sort of window to the outside world

2004-10-19T13:45:00.000-04:00

ngayon ko na lang na-appreciate talaga ang internet at ang chat. kanina lang, naka-chat ko sina alan, carla at mig. puro type ako ngayon. no talk. just my fingers typing everything i want to say.

i haven't been out of the house ever since i arrived. truth is, it gets boring. the only time i get to do something new is to talk to my friends by means of yahoo messenger. i miss home. and up to now, i still remain clueless as to how i'm going to move on with my life: do i start life here or in the philippines? will i ever get to come home?

it's really hard to be a fresh graduate. once you leave school, the problems begin.

time adjustment is hardly my problem now. i have quite a few anxieties. and slowly, i am beginning to see what the real world is like: expenses, worries about not having a job, etc. sometimes, i wish i was still in school.

different people, japan experience etal

2004-10-18T07:36:00.000-04:00

my flight from narita (tokyo) to the jfk airport (new york) was delayed for almost two hours. this is my first time to experience traveling alone with emergencies. the first impulse: to call home. i had to make sure that my mother would know that my flight would be delayed. this experience, however, proved to me how true ms. velasco's lectures on japan/zen are.

i found the perfect phone card to use and it was sold in a little shop where i can buy my pen (the one with the mechanical pencil and ballpen) as well as the lady bug key ring with a watch. i approached the japanese lady and after the third time, she asked me if i wanted her to accompany me and help me with the phone card. i agreed of course. so we walked to the phone booths. she noticed how frantic i was, and she asked me with a smile, "are you going to call your boyfriend or something?" and i told her, "no. they changed my flight schedule so i have to inform my family." and she said "yes, it's hard when they do that."

and so she taught me how to use the phone card. when she saw that i have already dialed the number home, she left. i wasn't able to thank her properly until i returned to her shop where i asked for the lady bug key ring. the only way she recognized what the lady bug watch key ring looked like was when i demonstrated how to open it. and for the second time, she went out of her counter to ask her "boss" about it. she asked me, "is that what you call those bugs?" she talked to her manager for a while only to find out that the lady bugs were out of stock and that they'd only have them on tuesday. i wasn't able to thank her nor to talk to her after that. perhaps when i return home, i'd be able to see her again.

one of the things that i liked about this experience is that i was able to see, and experience how nice the japanese are. they really do bow (or give a small incline of the head, a simple nod) when they acknowledge or greet you. this strongly reminded me about how courteous the japanese are, simply because that's what they are. their basis is not out of requirement but more of a part of their being. it was quite admirable what she did. and she did it even if it was not part of the job.

i was also happy that the flight attendant who served my side of the plane was asian. he was much nicer and polite as opposed to some of the flight attendants. the flight wasn't full. it's off peak and few people travel. turbulence was terrible for the most part of the flight. but for the latter part, it got better. i can still feel the bobbing that i felt when i was in the airplane. talk about major jet lag. i spent the morning, from 12am to about 6:30 am in front of the internet. i haven't even slept yet.

i haven't really done much yet. but i would like to sleep soon.

saint saens

2004-10-14T05:50:00.000-04:00

noong tuesday, nagkita kami nila nikka at napanood ko na rin sa wakas ang sassy girl. maganda pala talaga ang pelikula, lalo na pag buo na yung nakita mo. nakakatawa ang pelikula at sa parehong paraan, nakakalungkot din. at doon ko rin nalaman na nagustuhan din pala ni nikka si saint saens. doon ko lang talaga na-appreciate kung bakit magandang bagay na alamin ang classical/twentieth century music.

ang isa sa mga paborito kong gawa ni saint-saens ay ang kanyang danse macabre (na narining ko over the radio sa states.maganda talaga siya). siguro ito ang gusto ko tungkol sa musika niya. meron din siyang tema, at iniisip niya kung ano ang magiging tunog nito. dito naman sa tugtog na ito, wari'y mga multong nagsasayawan ang bumubuong image sa utak ko. ganito rin ang ginawang sayaw ni mommy, at saka ko naintindihan na kailangan mo ring malaman kung saan nanggagaling ang musikang ginagamit mo. doon sa sayaw ni mama, parang mga multo nga sila. maganda ang kinalabasan sa pagkaalala ko.

dati, naging problema rin iyon. paano mo maiintindihan ang sayaw kung wala itong kwento? mayroon namang ibang composers/musicians na nagrereklamong, hindi naman sila (choreographers) marunong umintindi ng musika. kaya ayan. yan ang conflict. advantage ni balanchine na isa siyang pianista kaya masbinibigyan pansin niya ang musika sa halip na ang sayaw. di ko alam kung gusto ko nga yung ganitong ideology sa sayaw. pero ang nakita ko, mahirap magsulat ng criticism tungkol sa musika. sabi nga ni tito steve, napakahirap makakita ng music critic. sa totoo lang, kailangan mo munang maintindihan ito bago makapagsulat tungkol dito. at maganda sana kung ang lahat ng arts, mayroon konting literature man lang (sabi ni tito steve).

ito lang ang masasabi ko sa ngayon, mas madali kong ma-appreciate ang mga classical period music-20th century music kaysa yung panahon nila haydn, etc. masyadong mabigat. sina saint saens, napakaliit na image lang, nagagawa. simple lang talaga.

napanood ko na rin ang life is beautiful. maganda rin ang pelikula. napaka-ikli, napaka-simple, pero maganda ito. nagustuhan ko siya. isa na rin siya sa paborito kong pelikula sa ngayon.

mantra for today

2004-10-13T07:51:00.000-04:00

must get better in time for sunday. masakit kasi tenga ang may sipon bumiyahe. kakainis.

i'm going home in a month! yay!

changes

2004-10-11T20:39:00.000-04:00

pinalitan ko na naman ang blog name ko, from "la bailarin y su baila" to "minne" and i hope this will be the last time i do so... pero di talaga ito ang changes na gusto kong patamaan.

papalapit na ang aking pag-alis. marami na akong bagay na hindi na ginagawa tulad ng dati. maging ang pagbigay ng injection sa lolo ko, ang pagsama ko sa kanya sa ibang lugar, di ko na rin ginagawa. hindi ko alam kung tinturuan niya ang sarili niya kung wala na ako. naiinis naman ako dahil parang wala akong initiative na lumapit sa kanya para tulungan siya. kaya ayan. sabi ko rin sa tita ko, "di ko na masyadong nakikita si beth." at sabi naman niya, "masmabuti na yun para wala nang attachments." at alam kong sinabi niya iyon para wag na masyadong malungkot ang pinsan ko.

dito lang ako nagtaka at medyo hindi sumasang-ayon. kaya mo nga gustong mapalapit sa kanila e. you want to make the most out of these last few days. sila naman ang umiiwas (o siguro ako rin). at masmasakit na sabihan kang lumayo na lang para di na sila masaktan. ako naman ang nasasaktan. aalis ka na nga, masyado pang pinapaaga ang pag-alis mo, nandito ka pa naman talaga.

gaya ng sinasabi ko noon, di pa ako handang umalis. ayaw kong umalis.

praises

2004-10-11T19:54:00.000-04:00

sometimes, i find myself laughing at a few people who appear to be all insecure when in truth, they really think highly of themselves. they say things that are in retrospect, a way of "patting themselves on the back" telling themselves that, "what we are doing is okay." i find this very funny at times and if not even almost like a hypocrite. why do people always have to justify what they are trying to do if they already know that it's okay? some people are funny. it's funny to hear their justifications for their actions.

i think i'm glad i took up philorl (philosophy of religion). it really changed a lot of perspectives about myself. it has given me a newer way of looking at life. that's one thing i'm happy about. (and in so doing this, i am also "praising myself")

dreams

2004-10-10T20:47:00.000-04:00

for the past few days, i have been dreaming a lot about different things. one dream that i had, (friday, last last week) was about my not having shoes. i was walking around the place, and i knew i left the house without shoes, but i still carried on with it anyway. i knew that i was walking barefoot because i could feel the ground, the different particles that gives a similar feeling whenever i walk and little pebbles enter my shoes. in that dream, i remember that i could not take it anymore, the pain of it. i asked alan (who was also in my dream) to please buy me a pair of shoes. i never got those shoes for i woke up afterwards.

last night, my dreams were composed of my fears of leaving. it takes place in the airport, where i have been looking for a place to buy my ticket. i was also looking for alan, waiting for him to come with me. in that dream, i also fought with another guy. the guy had an actual face though not one i have actually met before.

why do people have to dream? dreams are according to campbell, like a private myth. i don't know if my dreams are similar to the public myths, but as far as i can see, i can find bits and pieces of the dreams that are found from the "reality" i have seen. in murakami's hardboiled wonderland and the end of the world the world shifts from time to time, from the real and the other to his subconscious. parts of the real, which he thought of briefly, are seen and further studied in the dream/subconscious. i can see part of my thoughts which are thought of in passing during the day, which my mind has collected and processed into the night, in my sleep. in this case, i am not truly asleep for i am still thinking. i want to find the time when i can truly sleep and not just think.

graduation was finished this saturday. i was asleep during the most part. i guess i was really tired than i ever thought i was. friday, i went out with tabby, nikka and almira, after taking that procter and gamble exam (which i doubt i'd pass anyhow). however, i wasn't too tired to hear the speech of st. anthony tiu, which turns out to be an excellent speech.

yestereday, i went out with alan and the rest of his family. it makes me sad to see these people for what seems to be the last until a very long time. alan gave me a going away gift, which is something i never really expeced. troy and andrea also gave me a gift, which was very sweet of them, considering that i've only met them for quite some time. i hate saying good byes, and sometimes, i hate turning back. but sometimes turning back allows me to have several moments to cherish the looking back at these people. i know that i have a lot of reasons to return: my family, alan, my friends, even alan's family, the last two set of people are the ones who i am beginning to learn to appreciate.

life is but a breath. i wish i breathed in the best possible way. no regrets.

uaap survey

2004-10-10T08:36:00.001-04:00

1) where did you watch the game on sept 30, 2004? in araneta colliseum, and proud to say that i was seated in the first row, patron. :)

2)what was the atmosphere? intense! no one knew who was going to win until the very last second of the game. both la salle and feu crowd were hyper. at sa wakas, nakasama na rin kami sa pag-wave (na ginaya ng feu) kahit patron kami.

3) be honest...did you really think lasalle would be the champs?i didn't know want to expect. i knew that feu had a very good chance of winning. i didn't want to think la salle would be champions so i wouldn't be too disappointed. as it turns out, i have nothing to be disappointed about. :P lol

3) how did you feel when lasalle won the game? very happy, and excited, along with other hyper la salle fanatics in araneta. beth and i were hugging each other when la salle won (even before that). i actually saw myself when casio made that three-point shot in a replay on tv. haha! kakahiya! (may pang-bribe na sa akin ang mga tao. haha!)

4) si macmac ba, dpt mvp?i feel that santos deserves to be mvp since he is an all around player. macmac is okay, he is also very good since he makes a lot of points in a game, but i guess that statistics were also very important. santos' were better.

5) what can you say about jayvee casio?astig!!

6) e si Coach?i think la salle is making a big mistake of letting you go, sir. i think that you're one hell of a coach, and it would be sad to have another one next year. nevertheless, i wish you still the best of luck.

7) Pumunta ka sa animo party?nope. nanood ako ng appassionato, dance recital ni ernest hojilla.

8) first championship mo ba 'to?nope. nung first year ako, champion ang la salle. the following year malas na. tsk tsk.

9)may chance ba lasalle next year?i think so. malakas pa rin yung mga players, pero kung iba na ang coach, medyo mahirap na... sniff.

10)ano gs2 mo sabihin sa green archers?yeah!!! astig! congratulations!

11) what can you say about feu?certainly one hell of a team as well. they also deserve to be champions they were after all, the favorite for the finals. they're definitely one difficult team to beat.

12) are you proud that you are a lasallian?yup:) but not only because of basketball.

different things altogether

2004-10-05T06:10:00.000-04:00

i'm really not ready to leave yet. i'm not finished packing (or even started) let alone have i begun cleaning up my room. i haven't really finished editing my paper for tito steve. i'm just not in the mood. i'm not ready to leave yet. i just want to stay here for the time being. i don't WANT to leave!

it's not until today that i have finally understood the meaning of persephone's myth, or the meaning of nikka's journal title. i think that i myself have swallowed my modern day promegranate. i have to be in two different places every six months. why did i have to take that promegranate seed myself?

i've been so clumsy lately, dropping my food and several things. i don't know why. perhaps i'm not thinking very clearly. in filipino, ako ay sabog. oh yes. i most definitely am.

ate donna texted me this morning asking me to attend the meeting with the vice dean. i'm confused. based on the schedule, we (the graduates) are supposed to meet the college dean, the same time that i'm supposed to meet the vice dean. ate donna says that's one and the same event. if that's so, then i guess i should come.

beth's birthday last sunday became an actual party. we didn't really expect one since her mother, tita joey never really planned any party. the night before beth was already preparing for her decorations. the next day, i just found out that she was baking cookies 7:00 in the morning. by twelve o'clock noon, she already decorated the kitchen, with music and she taping the entire family as they came down for lunch. this is the ultimate spontaneous party i have ever seen and i was very happy with what she did. i think that planning parties must be in beth's blood. even tita joey is a good planner for parties.

well, that's it for now.

the crown is back to where it belongs

2004-09-30T21:22:00.000-04:00

yup. couldn't put it better myself. (pat gave this message in friendster...) we won! we won against FEU! perhaps luck was on our side of the court...nevertheless we still won! champions again after two years! we were all excited about winning. my eight year old cousin beth, and i were hugging. even beth's mom, tita joey was jumping for joy (and she was very quiet during the game). and tito tootsie was cheering loudly than ever. wow! the game was certainly worth watching. tumatayo pa kami in the middle of the game, and usually, it's just me making a fool out of myself! :) in the words of tita joey, "this is a real championship game. no one was going to let the other team get in the way." until the last few seconds of the game, the winner was left undecided. i didn't want to look at the court at the last 24.9 seconds of the game. FEU had the ball and had miranda made that shot, we would have lost. but still, WE DID IT!

mig said that this is undoubtedly the best game of the season. apart from the witty text messages he's been sending me before the game, he was also making a lot of good remarks regarding the game. no team was going to let loose that easily. i can see that FEU was a good team as well. i think that most people favored FEU over DLSU and i don't blame them. still, there was nothing wrong routing for your own school. we were seated on the very first row, ring side. we can see how clearly yeo jumped even if he was very far from the hoop. astig din yung mga three point shots nila! ooh yeah!

the girl seated next to us was also a la salle fan. most of the men seated behind us was neither for la salle or FEU (neutral!). beth had been waving her pompom, and i got a bit worried that the people behind us were getting annoyed with our (or probably my) frequent standing up and shouts during the game. (hehe. but it was definitely worth it.) the man, seated behind beth actually patted her shoulder after the game. he was apparently nice, though very quiet and "cool" during the game. the woman seated beside us were inviting us to the bonfire in la salle this afternoon. but then i'm not sure if i can come, since i plan to watch ernest's recital in the evening. but it bothers me still, since this is the last time i can probably attend such an event.

tita joey made a remark this morning, that people could be inspired with sports. it gives people the idea that when we're down, there's still hope. and this, la salle was able to contribute for us. (perhaps this is the reason why a lot of people like to watch sports, because of its excitement and the inspiration it gives us. only if the people are not taking it too much to heart) it was very dramatic, the players and franz pumaren were crying after the game. (feu cried too. but i believe that they put up a good fight.) i can't blame them. talk about intense! the game was the best i have ever seen ever since i started watching.

i know that i've been musing over how much i don't want to go to this last game. apparently i feel very lucky and blessed that i was able to see this game. it was too bad alan couldn't come or that i couldn't bring my other friends with me, but seeing beth very happy and excited was all worth it. i was very happy for her, my cousin who is a better fan of la salle than i am.

FEU placed a fierce fight and it was most definitely a good game! to the archers, congratulations. ANIMO LA SALLE! ooh yeah!

updates

2004-09-28T19:45:00.000-04:00

it's been a while since i last updated my blog. i've been quite busy for quite a number of things.

1) i've been helping with beth's projects recently. the first time that i did was last monday (sept. 20), then i also helped in another project last night. this really makes me think twice about having children at such an early age. as my mother would put it, when your child begins to study, you also start studying all over again. i don't think i would mind doing this at all, but then i want to be satisfied with myself first before doing so.

2) uaap games. yup. i've been watching them and sad to say that we lost game 2 to FEU. as i have been telling my friends, ateneo-la salle games are intense, but i didn't really like this FEU crowd at all. truth be told, i really don't want to watch the games anymore. they make me tired.

3) friday night, i watched the chamber recital. it was okay. i was happy to see most of my friends from chamber, and most especially happy to see tabby and nikka. they were thinking about going out, before i am to leave. it makes me sadder to leave now.

4) i've been watching movies recently. just finished watching amelie. it was quite okay. comments on it would come later.

5) attending classes at UP. yup, term's about to end, and truth be told, i haven't really done a good job editing my paper.

aside from editing the paper, i've been into crochet lately. it's been a while since i last did my crafts. and now i'm getting back to it. :) alan and i have been spending time together recently as well...the biggest burden that i must do is to clean up my room (in two weeks) and to fix the things that i'm going to bring. i don't expect to bring everything, but what will happen to the rest of the things? i'm leaving in two weeks, it's not enough to fix everything up. i just have to leave abruptly and it's not exactly the best thing to do. i'd like to talk to my mom and fix everything in the house, for at least two months.

movie marathon

2004-09-22T22:37:00.000-04:00

since there's nothing much for me to do, i've been borrowing videos just so i have something to spend my time. yup, i'm quite bored. anyway, the whole idea is to at least watch the movies or films suggested to me from before, but never really had the chance to borrow. among the other movies that i would like to see is life is beautiful, and sad to say i haven't seen this one yet. another one in mind is y tu mama tambien.

last night, i watched the movie dancer in the dark. i didn't know what to expect, but this is the movie that a friend suggested once in our yahoogroups. i found the movie quite sad, although i liked the actress, bjork. she was very good, and she looked quite young. i'm sorry for the way things turned out for her. there's something that i cannot quite understand in the movie. she had a chance to be free, to live, but then she chose not to pay for her lawyer instead so that her son could have an operation...i don't know if i can say that this is fair, or a waste of life. she (selma) just wanted her son to be able to see, even if it caused her death.

this morning, i watched last samurai. if it weren't for ms. velasco's lectures on japanese culture, i probably wouldn't be able to understand the concept in this film. with the explanation on zen and everything, i began to appreciate the beauty of japanese culture. i used to believe that suicide is bad. in japan, however, the samurai performs a harakiri (did i spell this right?), which is a way to show their honor. it's better to die in a battle, i suppose.

the difference between the battles by those "trained" by tom cruise in the beginning, as opposed to that of the samurai's is because of their thinking, even the way they are. fighting in a battle for a samurai is part of their life, and they believe in what they are doing. the "other"people were doing fighting without even understanding what they are fighting for. they have guns and canons and everything, while the samurai fought with swords, non-western equipment. they have every chance to lose, yet they know their enemy and they also have their own beliefs to cling on to.

one of the things that i can never forget is when tom cruise was told that the reason why he cannot sleep well is because he has done something he was so ashamed of. according to ms. velasco, the japanese sleep with wood as their pillow on the floor and yet, their energy is contained. they look at peace. i wish i could say the same way for the way i sleep.

another part that i also cannot forget is when tom cruise was told, "you have too much mind." i guess this is what ms. velasco means when she said that we are ruled too much by logic. there are some things that cannot be answered by reason alone. some cannot even be spoken.

everything about japan is done as a part of their life, and not something that is separated from them. to experience nature as it is, is to recognize the divine. i wish i could make the extraordinary out of the ordinary. live life as it is, then there would be no regrets.

my grandfather wanted to watch this film. as of today, this movie is one of my favorites.

another accomplishment =) and other things

2004-09-21T20:58:00.000-04:00

yup. my tagboard's finally up. :) after much work, it's finally here. just like the picture in this website, it took me a while to figure out what to do. i can understand HTML better now, although i'm not that great when it comes to several terms. nevertheless, i'm happy that i can manage to do this.

i passed by la salle yesterday. nothing much happened, i just got my alumni card and paid for my transcript of recors. i also decided to go to the library. unfortunately most of the books that i wanted to have a look at were located in the sotto collection and abueg collection, which means that even if i were studying in la salle, i wouldn't be able to check them out. :( and i don't want to go through all the hassle of talking to someone, signing papers etc. i saw the philo department secretary, ate tintin, and asked my usual question, "si ma'am leni po?" (ma'am leni's my mentor, and i certainly feel lucky that she was the one guiding me throughout my thesis writing.) now that thesis writing is over, i'm still asking ate tintin about my mentor even without cause. probably just a habit. i haven't spoken to her ever since the day that i last revised my thesis.

sometimes, i miss la salle. perhaps it's not really the school that i miss, but more of the people i got to interact with. among some of the familiar faces i saw yesterday (aside from ate tintin) were ms. wright, bam and ms. roma. i hope i can still come to school on a different day and see some of my friends. i probably will come to school on friday to watch the chamber recital. i also hope to see tabby and nikka as well. i'm nursing a sore throat now and i hope to be better by then.

i really hate being ill. i haven't been for the longest time ever since i went to college, and now that i'm graduating, i finally get it. i want to get better soon.

new image =)

2004-09-21T02:23:00.000-04:00

finally! i was able to post a picture for this blog! i have been quite problematic about this for quite some time. and today, i finally discovered a way to upload this image! by the way, the pretty icon of this blog was made by my friend and classmate in high school, kyla. brilliant design, just like most of her works.

well, i guess this is the reason why i felt like posting a message for today. i'm quite happy for being able to put up this icon. (many, many thanks to kyla!) =)

uaap

2004-09-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

we watched the ateneo-la salle game yesterday. it was quite hard to get the tickets, but then we were quite lucky to get patron seats. it was an exciting game, mainly because of the fierce rivalry of the two schools. i still find myself musing over the way the audience behaved yesterday. i can see a lot of people who were my age, and apparently, they weren't behaving badly as the older people from the audience. as usual, there were name-callings and swearing in the game. i can also see how bad- tempered the players can be. luckily, no one really got into a fight. the sports arena was full of die hard fans from both schools.

but at the end of every game, i can't help but tell myself, that this is indeed only a game, a game that most people take to heart. i don't blame them. i can see now why my grandfather told me when i was in high school "exciting ang uaap." but then i remained apathetic when he told me that, since i did not belong to a university then. true enough, it's hard to be in a game and not be hyped up with the way the crowd was. last year, however, i was more hyper. this year, i believe, i am more controlled, more cool, except for the occasional complaints over the fouls. (haha!)

thanks to the game, i earned a moment in the tv screen. the camera man panned his camera for us. my cousin, beth, as usual, was waving her green and white pom pom (green and white crepe paper on a barbeque stick) while i just looked on, trying to look cool and more reserved. cheering for one's school is okay, i guess. but a personal attack on a player (eg. insults on his looks, intelligence) is another thing. as mig would put it though, "kung pikon ka, wag ka na lang manood." this is probably why i have learned to be more resilient against all the insults people can make, especially on my school.

so there. that's the end of the ateneo-la salle games for this season. next year's going to be another fierce rivalry. i don't know if i can watch. the tension is really high every time i go to araneta on a la salle-ateneo game. as for the finals, i don't know if i want to watch. i don't like the tension.

people really do pay a lot of attention on sports, even if there are a lot of important things going on in the academe. sports are truly exciting. how i wish that people react the same way in ateneo-la salle to other important issues, especially those of the current events, or even those that concers the arts. if people care as much about the country as they do with uaap, then i believe that we could make better progress. again, these are just my musings. they are mostly ideal and seemingly impossible. anyway...dixi!

bodily musings

2004-09-18T19:56:00.000-04:00

right now, my right ankle hurts everytime i put my weight on it, such as in a grand plies.. i have scoliosis, which makes it hard for me to dance, and it explains why my hips aren't even. every time i hold my arms in brasbas, i find that my right arm is longer than my left. i find it difficult to hold my arms in second position, my elbows tend to droop down. i have a weak center (powerhouse in pilates) which means that i find it hard to do my turns and my jumps. i do better with the adagio parts, but i need my allegro and turns to make me stronger. my right leg has a better line in arabesqes, however it is a stronger supporting leg than my left leg. meaning to say, i can stand with my right leg longer and much more balanced, but i have better lines with my right leg. my knees are not hyper extended. it goes straight occasionally but when you look at it in the mirror, it doesn't look straight at all.

these are my bodily musings. i am a bodily writing.

nada

2004-09-18T19:35:00.000-04:00

matagal na panahon na naman nung huli akong mag-blog. kahapon, pumunta kami ni alan sa podium. di na lang kami nanood ng sine. wala rin naman kasing maganda. may balak pa sana kaming magpunta sa shangri-la, pero di na makayanan ng paa ko. masakit kasi e, kailangan pang balutin. yun yata yung na-sprain ko nung march pa. at sabi nga naman ng kuya ko, ang sprain pang-habang buhay nang nasa iyo. ayan. ayaw ko mang tanggapin, nandito na rin yung sprain ko. iniisip ko tuloy kung kaya ko pang magklase bukas ng umaga sa UP.

at katulad pa rin ng dati, wala pa rin namang masyadong nangyayari sa akin. madalas nandito lang ako sa bahay, nagbabasa, nanonood ng tv, humihiram ng pelikula. kailangan kong pumunta sa la salle para lang mag-research, magbasa bago ako umalis. ayan, nang dahil sa pag-alis ko, lahat na lang sa buhay ko huminto na. wala rin masyadong pwedeng gawin, di ako pwedeng mag-apply para sa trabaho. naduduling na akong mag-aral ng HTML, although tingin ko, naiintindihan ko ito kahit papaano. tingnan na lang natin. gusto ko na lang kumuha ng survey na sinasagutan sa friendster, para lang makalagay ako ng post dito. hehehe.

under-stressed

2004-09-17T04:50:00.000-04:00

i felt really dizzy before going to sleep last wednesday night, and i do mean that the room is spinning literally. i decided to check my blood pressure. my systole was 90+ whereas my diastole, only 50+. according to my aunt, the average blood pressure should by 120/70. (i think). that's the reason why yesterday, i decided not to go to ballet class. i guess that explains why i felt bad during ballet class last monday. during the earthquake yesterday, 3 am, i woke up. but at that time i couldn't tell if the room was moving because of my bp, or because of the earthquake. it was confirmed later on during the day that there was indeed an earthquake. it's probably better to take a rest before watching the feu-ue game, so i didn't attend ballet. and apparently i wasn't cheering as much during the said game.

i've been joking about my low blood pressure. i keep on telling my family and alan that perhaps i'm uder-stressed. the normal stress that i get from school probably keeps my blood pressure normal. how i wish then, that i'd get the same activities as i had while studying. speaking of which, i hope to land on a job that isn't far from what i'm used to doing. i want something that involves research, especially dance research.

raise the red lantern

2004-09-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

an art film by zhang yimou, the same director for hero.

this isn't the first time that i ever heard of this film before. ms. marj, my teacher for world literature, mentioned this film when we were discussing the chinese poets. she said that we ought to see this film. this is the first time that i saw it, ever since ms mentioned the film. and now i understand why she wanted us to see it. i saw a different view of chinese custom through this film. i, for one, will not judge chinese custom, whether it's right or wrong, good or bad. i just take it for what it is.

one of the reasons why i liked this movie was the way it was made. everything was implied in a very subtle way and is not expressed verbally. what do i mean by that? all i am trying to say is that the characters do not say explicitly "i am angry" or that "i am sad." instead, it is the way that the characters act that say it for them. the expression on their faces helped a lot. i also noticed that the director has given more close up shots to the women, to the mistresses, than to the master. i guess that the reason for this is to imply the focus of the film: the focus is on the life of the mistresses, not the male. even the way death was shown was not as gory as other movies that i have seen. we just see songlian screaming upon seeing the dead body (assuming that there was any) and even the bed scenes were done in a subtle way.

as ms. velasco, my philorl teacher told us, there are differences between movies from the east as opposed to the west. the japanese too, has a different way of showing their films, and has a different way of being subtle. akiro kurosawa's throne of blood is one of the very few japanese movies that i have ever seen. in throne of blood,i liked the way the japanese woman (the counterpart of lady macbeth, and i don't remember her name in the movie) washed her hands in the scene where she goes mad. there was an element of grace to it unlike a version of macbeth that i saw in high school. lady macbeth was washing her hands, palms down in a rough frantic manner. she was seated before a mirror, back straight. but in kurosawa's version, she was washing her hands, palms up with a very silent, more calm gesture. her hands were slightly cupped, as though she cupped the water in her hands. her body bent forward, a blank expression on her face. she was kneeling down.

this movie (raise the red lantern) however, reminded me of the exercise that ms. marj asked us to do. we had to make a short story for the class about a chinese girl. ms showed us a figurine of a chinese woman. upon seeing this movie, i began to understand what ms marj meant when she told us to attack the story not based on mulan. i remembered the story that i wrote. i must have placed something about foot binding. but again, out of sheer inexperience, i do believe that there is some room for improvement especially in getting my facts straight. just tonight, i have finished reading my book on the chinese civilization, once again opening my eyes to a new way of thinking.

as of now, i am attracted to the metaphor of a boat, where everything is placed there. i don't know why, but i just want to play around with the idea as of now. that's about it. dixi!

one of those nights

2004-09-14T13:41:00.001-04:00

i just can't sleep yet. i have a lot of things on my mind so i decided to go online. i wanted to earlier, way before we had to leave for the ateneo-la salle game (la salle won!) however, due to "time constraints" i decided against it.

alan came over in the morning and we decided to have a meal together before he goes to work. as usual, i volunteered that he and i walk home instead of taking the car. apparently, it rained. there goes my "pa-martyr effect" and so we ended up getting soaked in the rain.

tita joey, tito tootsie and i passed by booksale before fetching beth and before going to araneta. i bought about four books, two of which are for children (peter pan and christmas in camelot). i got the second book for P25.00! and it's hard bound. the reason why i wanted to get peter pan was because the book had several pictures in it, and it was also hard bound. i bought another book about the paintings of monet and another one on the chinese. what i really wanted was this book on the iroquois, a group of people, native americans i think. i would have, except that it was beyond my budget, though i know that i can save on quite a large amount of money for it. nevertheless, i decided against it.

the uaap game
we won! haha! it appears that my cousin, beth has more school spirit than i do, and she's not even from la salle! (she's only eight years old) we were seated at the ateneo side, with a lot of die-hard ateneo fans although i personally believe that i have seen worse people from the audience. i still get overwhelmed by the way some people can act for the school's sake. but as i mentioned earlier, the audience was quite well behaved, except for the occasional boos and the one time someone threw something in the court (i didn't see this exactly, but was informed of it) i was quiet for the most part. silenced, because i was in "wrong" side. it was not until the latter part of the game that i also began to cheer. i was quite reluctant to cheer because i was seated next to ateneans. but then i realized that most of the people from my row, were from la salle. i guess that boosted my energy (and confidence) to cheer. :)

well, that's about it for now. i'm still thinking...

first thing in the morning

2004-09-13T19:23:00.000-04:00

just decided to change my template...again. umiral na naman ang pagiging fickle minded ko.

mamaya, manonood kami ng la salle-ateneo game. :) niloloko na ako kagabi ni alan:"siguro bukas paos ka na naman." dati di ko naman in-expect na magiging fan ako. di naman die-hard, na tipong wala akong nami-miss na game. mamaya, dadalhin ko yung libro ko. di ko kasi alam kung matagal kaming maghihintay kay beth. hehe. masgusto ko talaga sa lower box.

oh, and for today, i feel the aches from yesterday's class. my back hurts, so do my legs, and my arms as well. it's only my stomach that doesn't hurt, which means i wasn't using my center yesterday. tsk tsk.

learning html

2004-09-13T05:53:00.000-04:00

masaya naman ako dahil sa wakas, naayos ko na rin yung blogger ko. okay na naman na noon, nung unang journals ko, pero masgusto ko lang dito. masmarami kasing pwedeng gawin.

di naman masyadong marami yung nilalagay ko dito e. masaya lang ako dahil finally, nalagyan ko na rin ng links yung blogger na ito. oh, and for the record, i didn't attend dance class today. haha! katamaran talaga. kinagalitan pa ako dati ni tina at ni tabby dahil dun. nawili siguro ako sa computer.

gusto ko sanang ibahin yung template ko. yung medyo iba naman. pero kung hindi, okay lang. masaya na rin ako kung malagyan ng tagboard ang blogger ko.

ballet etal

2004-09-13T01:52:00.001-04:00

i took ballet classes at UP today. sa wakas! nabigay ko na rin kay angel yung CD ng ballet music. okay yung music na yun, broadway songs nga e. tipong battement frappes using the song from grease. natutuwa ako pag yung cd na yun ang ginagamit namin. tingin ko nga ginaganahan kami magklase. hehehe. pareho kaming nagkamali ni angel. ang akala kasi namin na pianista si david howard. yun pala, isa siya sa tumutulong mag-instruct sa pianista kung paano dapat tumugtog. na-discover ko na lang ang aking pagkakamali dahil saka ko lang naisip, oo nga pala ano, nasa broadway dance center faculty si david howard.

natutuwa ako ngayon dahil magbabasa ako ng essay tungkol sa malaysia. ang dami ko pang kailangang matutunan. nililista ko nga kanina yung mga bagay na kailangan kong alamin habang "bakasyon" ko. di pa naman talaga ako "bakasyon" pero di pa kasi ako naghahanap ng trabaho :)

sa totoo lang, nanliliit ako minsan kapag tinatanong ako ng mga bagay na hindi ko alam. kanina, sinabi sa akin ni vanessa, na isang theater major, na kumukuha siya ng comparative literature. maraming binabasa at linggo-linggo, kailangan ng paper. nainggit ako nung sinabi niya na pinag-uusapan nila sina voltaire at rosseau. tingin ko naman ay okay ang mga natutunan ko sa la salle. kaya lang, hindi talaga ganun ka-rami ang maibibigay ng oras ko sa pag-research ko at pagbasa dahil three semesters lang kami. para kaming palaging nagmamadali sa isang term. parang kailan lang, nag-uumpisa kami, at mayamayang konti, midterms na, tapos nun ay finals na. mabilis ang pacing. yun lang siguro ang disadvantage. kaya ngayon, bumabawi na ako. dine-devote ko na ang oras ko sa aking pagbabasa. gaya nga ngayon, puro mythology naman. next time, aandar na rin ako. tingin ko kasi, okay ako sa mga ancient literature. pagpumupunta na sa mga ibang era, medyo nagloloko na. at mas lalo na siguro kapag modern times. mahina talaga ako sa science fiction. siguro di ko lang talaga hilig.

masaya ako ngayon dahil nakapag-ballet ako. iniisip ko pa kung babalik ako mamayang 5:30 para sa isa na namang class. medyo pagod ako. at saka, mahirap kasi ang pacing mamaya, puro in shape ang mga kasama ko (haha! totoo ito). magagaling nga sila, at tingin ko, medyo maraming ginagawa dahil may performance sila ng october 1, recital ni ernest. nakita ko nga yung mga pictures nila kanina e. maganda ang kinalabasan. natutuwa lang ako. kaya ayun. medyo mahina ang stamina ko ngayon. tingin ko kasi napagod ako kahapon, at malamang bukas, sa ateneo-la salle game, mapapagod din ako. [excited na ako. :)] katulad ng sinasabi ni mama, it's just a way of familiarizing yourself with your body again. sana mahanap ko na rin ang placement ko.. hihintayin ko lang na lumakas ulit ang stamina ko.

dixi!

for the past few days

2004-09-12T06:00:00.000-04:00

i haven't been really updating on my blog, so here i go again. i have been busy these past few days.

THE TERMINAL
yesterday, i saw the terminal. tom hanks' acting was as usual, great. what i really like about him is that he gets right into the character of the person he is portraying, unlike some actors or actresses who act in the same way for every movie. (parang pareho lang ang pag-arte nila sa iba't-ibang movie). the roles of tom hanks vary, from forrest gump to castaway to saving private ryan and even with this movie. but his acting differs every time. you can't tell that he is tom hanks because of the way he acts. he is simply that character that he portrays.

some parts of the movie appear to be funny, but if you look at it in another way, it really is not. it's funny the way tom hanks adjusts to his life at the airport, but at the same time, it has opened my thinking to the way things are. it really is difficult for people to enter a foreign country. imagine having to go through all that trouble without really doing anything illegal (tom hanks just wanted one signature). there are other people to take care of in an entire airport, but some people waste their time on just one person. but then, another reason why i like the movie is because i can somehow relate to what happened to him (tom hanks) in the movie, not that i ever have problems entering the united states (or was actually denied). it's just difficult to enter a foreign country. nevertheless, i find this movie funny and would recommend it.

i have been traveling alone recently, and to be honest my stress level is high the day before i do so. aside from the worries about the passport, the boarding passes and my money, i'm also worried about entering the united states simply because i'm not very comfortable with the place. traveling alone doesn't help. i feel quite lonely every time i sit in the plane for more than 14 hours of flight.

what i really hate the most is the day before i have to leave. i always count the hours before i have to go, etc. etc. though traveling alone may appear quite exciting because i feel as if i'm really responsible for myself, it's still not the same as traveling with family. the flight attendants aren't very friendly. i wish i can ride on an asian aircraft, it would probably feel more like home to me. all i know is that, traveling alone makes me feel as though i were alienated.

CHEERING COMPETITION
i saw the cheering competition today. as i was watching the competitioni recalled the comments on my paper for panitikabataan: things are different between the stage and television. in televisions, the performers or the dancers, are privileged to make smaller movements as opposed to the stage. the stage requires bigger, more exaggerated movements. a live performance requires more effort from the performers, because the people at the back cannot see the movements as clearly as those people in front.

i realized this after watching the performance live, and then seeing it again on screen. for one thing, it's easy for me to see the corrections, places where the dancers can improve on, especially when it's live. the tv screen, on the one hand limits the point of view of the viewer to the certain parts of the dance. it does not give them the complete view of the dance, such as what are the rest of the people doing on the sides? a two dimensional perspective does not allow the viewer to see the stage in its entirety.

this, however, did not really bother me much. what really bothered me was the way i behaved. i was routing for la salle, i was cheering for my school. then it occurred to me, what is the real reason why i was cheering for the squad? i don't know anyone, they don't know me either. we ignore each other in la salle. and it bothers me to be this way. it seems that i only care for my school in such events. i don't even know if i really am happy with doing such things. i enjoy watching games and competitions, but i still can't help but wonder, for what end am i doing this so? nada. just for my own self satisfaction, sometimes. it is yet, another form of alienating the self. being there but at the same time, not really there.

CAMPBELL
my recent quest: joseph campbell's the power of myth. surprisingly, i like the book, and i usually find a set of interviews boring. little by little, i become familiar with other mythologies. right, now, i just want to know more about myths, especially those that come from the east. i admire the way campbell discusses them.

it was lucky that i was able to read campbell's works. i have been dreaming a lot lately, although some of my dreams i really don't remember. anyway, i hope to try to understand those dreams, get to know their meaning. maybe i can find out more about myself in so doing. dream, is a private myth, a myth is a public dream. if my dream is in accordance with the myth, then i am one with my society. that is, according to campbell.

so there. i hope that i can attend ballet classes tomorrow. i haven't really attended one in a while. and since i have plenty of time, i've been doing a lot of thinking myself. i hope to write down several of my insights regarding life of pi and till we have faces. in the meantime, i'm sticking only to these ideas. still working on la lampara, somewhat. hehehe.

dixi!

my life as a bum

2004-09-09T22:27:00.000-04:00

di pa naman talaga ako isang bum, dahil paminsan minsan, sumasayaw pa rin ako. pero ngayon, tingin ko ay humihinto ang buhay ko. marahil sa october 17, aalis na ako papuntang new york, at matagal pa bago ako bumalik. yun ay, kung di ko nagawan ng paraan para makabalik dito, sa susunod na taon o kailanman. nalulungkot akong isipin na papalapit na ang araw na yun. marami akong taong iiwan dito, at higit pa dun, ayaw ko sa mga tao doon. (tama, naranasan ko na ang discrimination) sa ngayon di man lang ako pwedeng maghanap ng trabaho. kung di naman ako magtatagal dito bakit pa? at anong trabaho naman ang pwede kong makuha sa new york? gusto ko man magturo, di ko gusto ang mga tao dun. hay naku! ganito ba talaga? parang ang negative ko. minsan, nakikita ko na gumagawa ako ng dahilan para manatili rito.

siguro ang gusto ko lang sa new york ay mas marami akong pwedeng masalihan, creative writing workshops, dance notation workshops at pati ang mga congress on research in dance. lahat ng ito ay maaaring makatulong sa akin at sa pagsusulat ukol sa sayaw. yun ay, kung tanggapin nila ako. maraming opportunities, pwede akong mag-aral at magturo doon. maaari kong gawin ang mga bagay na ito. siguro kung matapos na akong kumuha ng MA, maaari na akong bumalik dito. gusto ko naman talaga sa pilipinas. ayoko doon. parang kailangan ko palaging lumaban para sa aking mga karapatan.

at dahil pinag-uusapan ko na rin ang discrimination, naalala ko lang yung sinabi ni caspar mula sa a christmas mystery ni jostein gaarder: ayaw ng mga tao ng naiiba sa kanila. kasama na rito ang kulay ng balat. nakakalungkot isipin na mayroon pa ring mga ganitong pangyayari hanggang ngayon. hindi na nga lang kasing grabe ng noon, pero meron pa rin, kahit patago lang. minsan natatakot ako, pero siguro, kailangan ko rin tumapang ng konti.

ngayong wala pa akong ginagawa, gusto kong maaral kung paano maglagay ng tag board dito sa aking blog, pati na rin ng ibang links. gusto ko rin ng ibang blogskin at maglagay ng ilang pictures. sana marunong ako tungkol dito. pwede kong aralin, pero nalilito pa rin ako sa ibang termino. hehehe.

sana ay maayos ko na nang husto ang blog na ito.

noong tuesday pala, nanood kami ni alan ng the notebook. mula ito sa libro ni nicholas sparks. sa podium kami nanood at dahil dadalawa lang ang pwedeng panoorin, pinili na lang namin yun, imbis na anaconda. okay lang naman ang pelikula. tingin ko ay hindi bago ang kwento ni sparks, pero gaya nga ng sabi ni tabby, lahat na ng uri ng kwento ay naisulat na (sinabi niya ito, mga third term, first year kami). ayon kay alan, maganda ang paggawa ng pelikula, pero ako naman, medyo naiinip na. may magandang pelikula pa kaya? sana matuloy kami ni nikka sa sept. 26, para manood sa UP film center.

mayroon akong show na dapat panoorin mamaya, sa abelardo hall. mukhang di na lang muna. sa october 1 na ang recital ni ernest. gusto ko yun mapanood. natutuwa ako sa mga recital sa UP ng mga dance majors. parang thesis nila ang paggawa ng full length performance. natutuwa ako sa choreography na napanood ko. sana mapanood ko yun full length.

di pa naman ako bum talaga na wala akong ginagawa. binababad ko ang aking sarili sa pagbabasa. sana marami akong matapos ngayong bakasyon. pero bum ako sapagkat wala pa akong trabaho.

---dixi!dixi!-mula sa christmas mystery, isang termino sa Latin na tumutukoy sa pagtatapos ng sinabi. di man ako sigurado, pero pwede kong konsultahin si mig kung tama nga ito.

for the third time

2004-09-08T03:39:00.000-04:00

for my first post, the title doesn't seem quite appropriate. apparently this is my third blog. i decided to change my online journal because i can't quite understand how to do html. and for several other reasons, i have decided to change. hopefully, i can do well on this one. as for me, i still haven't change my name: lyrical swan. for my past blogs, i've placed the reason why i have chosen such a name. the moment i get the hang of this, i'll place the URL of my previous blog/s.

and finally, i have more, how should i say this? freedom? haha! i'm graduating this october. not that i'm too eager to graduate. i miss school, but i know i must move on, do something else, aim for greater heights. i am currently editing a paper that i wrote for pantikabataan, by request of steve villaruz. at least it keeps my mind working. i'm out of ideas so i decided to read several essays from corporealities, edited by susan foster, one of the best dance writers i've ever encountered. i need several ideas on how to write my paper on la lampara. i want to brush up on my writing about dance. ever since the day i submitted my paper to panitikabataan and read the paper for the conference, i was given something new to think about: my audience. how do i relate the dance to people who do not dance without being too technical? i want to find my voice, the tone that i must use when writing about dance.

i have plenty of books that i want to read. the authors that i intend to be familiar with are charles dickens and nick joaquin for no apparent reason. i also started reading christmas mystery by jostein gaarder. quite interesting. the most recent readings that i have finished are life of pi by yann martel and till we have faces by c.s. lewis. quite interesting books to read. i find the retelling of myths interesting, especially when the author rationalizes the point of view of the antagonist. this, i found in till we have faces, which is a retelling of the story of cupid and psyche. the point of view was from orual. and i guess this is the reason why i also found milton's paradise lost interesting, though i haven't really finished it. again, i think i have about enough books in mind that i want to read. i get too excited sometimes, that i can't stay with reading just one book. i start one, then i change to another. how fickle minded is that?

one thing's for sure: i really want to brush up on my writing. someday, i will.